Thursday, August 28, 2008

Anatomy of a Graduate

This time I’ll not be a racist. I never was. So this time we start by defining the two key terms in the topic.

Anatomy: A detailed examination or analysis

[Middle English anatomie, from Late Latin anatomia, from Greek anatom, dissection : ana-, ana- + tom, a cutting (from temnein, to cut; see tem- in Indo-European roots).]

Graduate: One who has received an academic degree or diploma.

[Middle English graduaten, to confer a degree, from Medieval Latin gradur, gradut-, to take a degree, from Latin gradus, step; see grade.]

So it simply comes to a detailed analysis of one who has received an academic degree or diploma. See sometimes to make up good sentences u just need to put two very vague words together. That’s what you do when you do corporate bull-shit.

Lets start by identifying certain common traits that we find among these people who grow at a rate of 690,359 per year. (The figure mentioned here is only for US). Now most of you are going like “oh.. look at this ass, he is taking figures from the US, why can’t he take figures from education department of India”. Well I did look around and after much patience I did get an annual report, but who the hell would download a 60 mega-byte pdf (portable document format), it really isn’t that portable. Ok getting back to the point; here I have tried listing the common traits of a graduate:

Bright Eyed Boys & Girls: How many times have we heard the term before? Its like a generic term used by all the senior VPs and all the crappy people. They use this term because they really don’t think that the new guys can do something good except adding the extra light in the organization by being bright eyed.

Nation’s future: Well, why the future. Alternately, they are also called by the same damn people as “fresher”. This word has a far more meaning to our bright eyed boys and girls, it labels them as “you don’t know shit, you have no experience”. Why can’t they be the nation’s present.

Buzzwords: Somehow these bright eyed boys and girls are not very used to the corporate BS or in other terms corporate buzzwords. You see when somebody uses terms like “interchangeable virtual capacity” & “synchronized structured time-phase”, they really don’t mean anything except creating some buzz. When the oldies use these terms and hear them they feel buzzed, but the younger lot compare this buzz to a “fart”. It creates a buzz but it’s of no use.

Job Profile: This is one of the most controversial terms that this world has seen since Monica Lewinsky. There are some additional words used to this term, like “challenging”, “positive”, “rewarding” and blah and blah. This is more often used in campus placements where organizations come and try and under-buy talent. What these HR guys don’t understand is that all the bright eyed boys and girls hate working for less packages no matter how challenging and rewarding the job profile may sound. If you tell a 23 yr old to be president of the country without any salary and extra benefits or the Rashtrapati Bhavan, nobody would give a s***.

In the end I would say that all these so called graduates want nothing much except getting paid for whatever effort they put in. Yes, there are some free loaders and you cant avoid them, but these free loaders are present at the top of the organization chart.

The second thing that most of them want is to advance fast in their careers and not be a 45 yr old boss who is still working as a senior manager. Although only a few of the graduates are actually “OVER ACHIEVERS”, but the rest also are aggressive enough that they have to sometimes wear black ray-bans to hide the bright eyes.

Cheers to us and our dream,
Beer cans,
Nice froth and cream,
Hell with corporatism, Lets get extreme.

1 Comment:

  1. Pettai Maami said...
    ahem ahem..i c..wokay wokay.. :P

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