Thursday, July 24, 2008

Bumps & Lumps

"goddammit, i have to go to office again" , i thought lazily crawling around in my bed. Trying to forget the world and its miseries.

Sounds Dramatic

The universal set of my life consists of a lot of things, but right now when am working my ass off as a 23 yr old, I think “my world” (current sub set to the universal set, which would include all the people, things & activities that I need most, to be) will be :

* my girlfriend {one person I really want to be with right now}
* my psp {one things I surely I can’t live without}
* friends and weekend trips {best part of life}
* my job {it pays for the above}
* sleeping till 11 in the morning {this one is like a distant dream}
* being on client site {interacting with people who have lesser IQ than a
brainless toad}
* travel because of work {its fun, but only the shorter trips}
* eating pizza with beer {this I do no matter where I am, except in Islamic
countries where latter becomes an issue}

The aforementioned are my life, but there are alongwith the bumps and the lumps. Bumps I would define as things which happen only when you think life is just

going perfect, e.g.

Act 1, Scene 1:
Description: You are in bed with your girl, telling her how you can see the pole star-like sparkle in her eyes when she’s with you, and your boss calls up and informs you about travel.

U: I have no words to describe how beautiful you look right now [has no idea about what should he say to make her feel good]
GF: mwwaahh .. [I know he is saying this so that we can make out, but I’ll lay for a while, lets see how much can he talk ;)]

The phone rings .. (the ringtone is "she’ll be loved")

BOSS: Hi XXXX (SOP 1 – talk in a casual tone, so that the poor guy doesn’t get startled on a Sunday)
U: Hi XXXX (what the hell)
BOSS: Are you free right now (SOP 2- Even if u r not, I’ll talk to u anyway)
U: Ya, got up a little while back (How the hell does it matter to you, blab now)
BOSS: You need to travel for this XXXX client tomorrow, I am getting ur tickets done by the morning flight (SOP 3- Morning flight means a 5 o’clock flight and

thts cuz its cheaper, cuz anyway time is not important, the client sucks big time)


U: Ok (There it was, did u see the bump, it just hit u hard)
BOSS: I’ll am also traveling tomorrow but I’ll be back in 2-3 days. (SOP 5- try and console by telling that I am flying by business class on a 10 o’clock flight and I’ll be back before the weekend, cuz I have a personal life)
U: Ok (Still in the shock of the bump)
BOSS: Bye (SOP 6- HA HA HA HA, now that I have ruined your day, start packing)

Similarly, there are lumps, these I can define as the comforting gulps that you take in while breathing to come to terms with your life. e.g.

Act 1, Scene 2:
Description: You are sitting in a corner, with your head down, your girlfriend staring at you, in disbelief obviously.

GF: Hey, its ok, its your job after all (trying to console, and also talking to herself , “find yourself another one”)
U: I don’t know (he has no idea what to say and what not, really doesn’t know, its called the “bumped effect” worse than its brother “dumped effect”)
GF: Awww, come here, mwwaahh (she pulls you close and kisses you)


U: I don’t know what would I do without you (this time he really means it, cuz he takes a lump inside and accepts that its ok to be bumped in life sometimes)
GF: I am there for you (lets see how long will I be, if it continues)


U: I know, and I’ll look for a new job soon (still meaning what he says)
GF: mwwaahhh ( you are my superhero)

So this is how the bumps and lumps work for me, ya they may differ for everyone. But the bump and lump law says that “for every bump, there are atleast 2 or more opposite lumps”

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Dosas & More

I don’t know what I should say about the land of the idlis and the dosas. I really don’t want to sound racist since this is public space and freedom of speech is not supported by the IT act of the year XXXX.

Sometimes we see things around us which are so clichéd that you sigh ‘this happens only in India’. Ok it is pretty understood that some guy writes some derogatory remarks about our congress leader and he is put behind bars just because it is not supported by the IT act. But since congress is the ruling party, it can flex its muscles and get something done or proven in a court which is above the fundamental rights of an Indian citizen. Now I suppose that fundamental rights are the base of the constitution, and I don’t even want to know on who and why was this constitution drafted in the first place.

Ok, back to the point, I wanted to say something that would take the stress out of me being in Chennai. This place is so peculiar and strange that sometimes I get confused between “CHENNAI” and “CHINA”. And there, right there I wrote it in caps, now am sure if a someone from Tamil Nadu reads it he would go saying expletives beyond my understanding of their language. But with all due respect I wrote it in CAPS for people who are dyslexic so that they don’t read either word twice and fight with themselves on why would someone type the same word twice on a boggle.

Drifting back to what Chennai is about. Its all about maamis (women who eat, get fat, think about getting married to some guy in the US, probably nerds), IIT-M grads (now if I write they are something something something, all these guys would say “this f***** didn’t get through so he is jealous, well am pretty proud of scoring me 153468 rank in the IIT entrance), Anna university (nothing bad about this place, except that even in courses where English is the medium to teach students, the faculty would blab in Tamil), and of course how I can I forget Hotel Sarvana Bhavan, (a place where you’ll get one Vada with 3 chutneys and Sāmbhar)

Now I really don’t hate this place, its just that I don’t want to be here. Specially in a firm where I have a few sardars running a company full of tamilians. See it gets back to the clichés that this country gives and you love it for this.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

"ये तो बहुत मजे का काम है। "

This is wat it would sound if this was an english movie with hindi dubbing. Till now the only time i have been able to guess hindi dubbing guy was Akshaye Khanna for spiderman. Sadly spiderman (the one with that geek guy turns into this spider web releasing machine or something ) was released in Hindi in Dehradun. No offences to spiderman, cuz am a very big fan myself. But this is not about or, as a canadian would say "aboot", why am typing some random words on the keypad. This is for all the times i have read a blog and gained something. I am sure that nobody has ever lost anything by reading a blog.

Although my personal favorites are the ones that get a smile on my face.

I dont know why it took me 1 year to write something in this space when i always wanted to write somewhere deep within. Deeper than the deepest and the darkest gorge in the world. lol. Ok now thats one thing i am going to use, there are days i go by just loling around. and its fun doin it, specially irritating people by loling. lol.

This account was created last july and it was forever ago, i was in hyderabad on a project then, being welcomed to the suck by my colleagues. So probably i thought i wud vent out my feelings by writing so i started maintaing a diary, a sort of a journal, which just never went beyond the next day, everyday. I used to write and then read and feel like an idiot and then write and do it. Finally this year my girlfriend gave me this diary with really bright green pages and ya it did work. I was a lil hooked to writing, not on a daily basis though.

Now its a boring tuesday afternoon, still 3 working days to the weekend and lots of work, but still i decided enough is enough ,, and now i am going to write, no matter what comes to my mind , body or soul, lol ,, bad one.