Thursday, August 28, 2008

This time I’ll not be a racist. I never was. So this time we start by defining the two key terms in the topic.

Anatomy: A detailed examination or analysis

[Middle English anatomie, from Late Latin anatomia, from Greek anatom, dissection : ana-, ana- + tom, a cutting (from temnein, to cut; see tem- in Indo-European roots).]

Graduate: One who has received an academic degree or diploma.

[Middle English graduaten, to confer a degree, from Medieval Latin gradur, gradut-, to take a degree, from Latin gradus, step; see grade.]

So it simply comes to a detailed analysis of one who has received an academic degree or diploma. See sometimes to make up good sentences u just need to put two very vague words together. That’s what you do when you do corporate bull-shit.

Lets start by identifying certain common traits that we find among these people who grow at a rate of 690,359 per year. (The figure mentioned here is only for US). Now most of you are going like “oh.. look at this ass, he is taking figures from the US, why can’t he take figures from education department of India”. Well I did look around and after much patience I did get an annual report, but who the hell would download a 60 mega-byte pdf (portable document format), it really isn’t that portable. Ok getting back to the point; here I have tried listing the common traits of a graduate:

Bright Eyed Boys & Girls: How many times have we heard the term before? Its like a generic term used by all the senior VPs and all the crappy people. They use this term because they really don’t think that the new guys can do something good except adding the extra light in the organization by being bright eyed.

Nation’s future: Well, why the future. Alternately, they are also called by the same damn people as “fresher”. This word has a far more meaning to our bright eyed boys and girls, it labels them as “you don’t know shit, you have no experience”. Why can’t they be the nation’s present.

Buzzwords: Somehow these bright eyed boys and girls are not very used to the corporate BS or in other terms corporate buzzwords. You see when somebody uses terms like “interchangeable virtual capacity” & “synchronized structured time-phase”, they really don’t mean anything except creating some buzz. When the oldies use these terms and hear them they feel buzzed, but the younger lot compare this buzz to a “fart”. It creates a buzz but it’s of no use.

Job Profile: This is one of the most controversial terms that this world has seen since Monica Lewinsky. There are some additional words used to this term, like “challenging”, “positive”, “rewarding” and blah and blah. This is more often used in campus placements where organizations come and try and under-buy talent. What these HR guys don’t understand is that all the bright eyed boys and girls hate working for less packages no matter how challenging and rewarding the job profile may sound. If you tell a 23 yr old to be president of the country without any salary and extra benefits or the Rashtrapati Bhavan, nobody would give a s***.

In the end I would say that all these so called graduates want nothing much except getting paid for whatever effort they put in. Yes, there are some free loaders and you cant avoid them, but these free loaders are present at the top of the organization chart.

The second thing that most of them want is to advance fast in their careers and not be a 45 yr old boss who is still working as a senior manager. Although only a few of the graduates are actually “OVER ACHIEVERS”, but the rest also are aggressive enough that they have to sometimes wear black ray-bans to hide the bright eyes.

Cheers to us and our dream,
Beer cans,
Nice froth and cream,
Hell with corporatism, Lets get extreme.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Now please don't say that I am being a racist again. I sometimes do get the urges to be one, but as a matter of fact I love Pakistan. You see the title of the boggle and then you might right on say that am saying Pakistan is ugly, but its not, it’s a place you can't say as good or bad or ugly. It’s like a matter of fact, "PAKISTAN". It’s a land which is most like India, although not constitutionally, but yes socially it is India’s twin.

You really are not taking me seriously here, you really don’t, but on an inspirational note, let me try and prove it to you how alike is Pakistan to India:

And these are things apart from the BORDER we share:

1. Nose diggers; and proud
2. You can piss on the road but not kiss
3. You find people with origins from Bihar and Punjab all over the country
4. All phone companies promise you the best call rates and a free sim card
5. For everything that is wrong people instantly blame the government or the
6. You find people “DOING THE THING”, in shady parks and parking lots
7. Guys who think long hair are still in, and John Abraham in Dhoom as the real casanova
8. Politicians are actually corrupt
9. People turning up late for their office
10. You are not allowed to talk about “SAX”
11. Hot women driving around in hot cars
12. Dawood Ibrahim
13. Have a “father of the nation”.
14. Have No. 13’s photo on their currency
15. No. 13’s is actually the guy who wanted eternal glory and got it
16. FTV
18. Jacking off while No. 17 is on No. 16
19. & 20. Always beating around the bush (for people who didn’t get it, am
talking about 2 bushes, the real one and the G.W. Bush
21. Pirated hindi movies
22. Love for cricket
23. Fans of football, just like to watch it but not play
24. Have beer (Whenever possible)
25. Popularity of chicken Tikka
26. The masses really don’t know why is the fight still on for J & K
27. National air carrier sucks
28. Proud farters, just like Terrance & Phillip. “Hey Phillip, what’s the time.?
29. Street dogs & eve-teasers
30. Ass-lickers on the loose

Well, after No. 25 I started to feel the writer’s block, and was quite not able to think straight. Anyway, am sure I can take this list to a 100 in some other post later. But that will be later. For now, I am in love with the food this country has to offer, although I have heard that shopping is one thing that is better than the food. I don’t believe and neither would you, if you were here.

I can’t go to a mall or watch a movie here just because am a STAG, now how do I solve that problem, either I manage without going, or I make a girlfriend here, which I can’t because firstly I already have a girlfriend and I am hopelessly in love with her, and secondly if I really want to watch a movie and I tell my girlfriend and she allows me date here just for the movie, the girl I date here will definitely have brothers, who’ll kill me sooner or later.Ok, I know why do u think I assumed that the girl would have brothers, cuz the minimum siblings I have seen here is 4, and not to have a brother in the other 3 is quite a less probability.

The truth to be realized now is that I am here right now, and I have never faced a bad situation and I hope that I never do, cuz I don’t want to spoil my good feelings for this country and its people.