Of all the writings on the wall

Now this topic is very close to my A***, oops sorry, heart. . There are so many times when in a day or a week or a month you feel the pain right where you don’t want it to be. And then you find yourself saying explicit words which you might regret later as sometimes Eminem or 50 Cent just copy those expletives along some beats and sell it for millions of bucks (American Ones). Anyway getting back to the A*** ,oops sorry again, heart of the matter, I would jot down some points here which really make me feel like the topic precisely:

The following comments are completely fictional or out of personal experiences and are not an attempt to hurt anyone’s feelings by getting them to remember the A***felt, oops sorry again, heartfelt times. Incase you get offended then leave a comment after logging on from your blogger account, and I would personally make sure that you get a piece of my A***, oops sorry again,mind.

From now on and through the post we will refer the topic name as “FDitA” and similarly, just for context reasons, the points have been divided into two broad categories of a person’s life – PROFESSIONAL (See, it already feels like you’ve just been “FDitA” & PERSONAL (AAooww, it hurts) :


PROFESSIONAL

• When your boss’s secretary is hot, and she has hots for you. And your boss comes to know of it and sends you on-site for the next one year. (C’mon dude I never had hots for her)
• When your boss commits a mistake. (According to him, it only happens because of your negligence)
• When your girlfriend demands a kiss, irrespective of the fact that your boss is sitting just next to you.
• Whenever bumps happens.
• Whenever your boss is with you.
• When a client says that you have done great work, but still nothing quantitative is visible.
• When your client says that you have not worked at all.
• When both your client and your boss say that you have not worked.
• When you work on something all night for a presentation next day and your computer conks off. (Believe me it happens, and they also said that “Computers are here to make life easier for humans)
• When you are caught playing silly flash games in office.
• When you leave your phone on your desk by mistake (happens when you really need to use the restroom) and your boss receives the call from some “Sweetbum” in your phonebook.
• During a presentation a popup of “Wet girls inside” comes on your screen, and your boss just looks at you without saying anything.
• When you are sent to Chennai for six months.
• When your boss is on Facebook, and he sends you a friend request but you have to ignore it. (or else your he’ll also know about the points mentioned under the PERSONAL section)
• When you get a visa for a month long travel even on a Sunday.
• When you are mimicking your boss and some of your dumbass colleague records it and puts it on youtube.
• When boss watches the above and sends you a mail with the link, demanding an explanation of the same.
• When you are in Pakistan for work, and you get irritated by something and you shout out “OH FUCK” and some people by the name “AAFAQ” gets offended.
• When you go for an interview and the guy behind the desk is some freaking cousin of your present boss.
• When you make holiday excuses all year long and the only time you are in problem your blames you of a fake one.

PERSONAL

• When Times of India gives a good review for a movie like “Bachna Ae Haseeno” and you actually go and watch it and also take your girlfriend along.
• When you plan for a trip with your girlfriend and it somehow doesn’t work out.
• When you are writing a public post with a general mention of the word girlfriend in it.
• When your girlfriend thinks that every time you use the word girlfriend on your blog is in reference to her.
• When she read the point mentioned above this one.
• When your friends form a team and pull a prank on you, which involve your parents, faculty and your girlfriend. (Wow, it just feels like “on 9/11/2001 two planes were rammed up your twin buns instead of the twin towers”)
• When you watch a movie like “Muskan, starring Aftab” and a few weeks later your take you along for the same goddammn movie again.
• When you mix your drinks on your first office outbound. (Elaborate --- by the end of the night you start having whisky shots)
• Whenever your girlfriend is staring at you. (Obviously this is a consequence of something that you have already done, so you try and cute now or else it’ll feel like 9/11 again)
• When you end up stranded with a very very very very gay guy, in a place where you don’t get autos or cabs.
• When you come to know that the cool senior who didn’t rag you much in the first semester, used to generally hang out, pay for all your booze, turns out to be gay. (And all this while he had been trying to get you drunk)
• When you date a senior in college, who is also dating some rogue 6 foot tall guy.
• When you promised your girlfriend something and forgot.
• When you are in college and you forget to wish your parents’ anniversary. (Dude, you won’t get your allowance the next month)
• When you are in class 7th and you don’t know the difference between a guy and a girl. (It happens)

COMMON GROUND

• When all of the above points keep happening again and again.

Now after writing whatever I have written, I seem to have realized that most of the times anyone can get “FDitA” is due to his boss and his girlfriend. And since I know that both of them might end up reading this blog I am saying “Both of them try and make you a better person at the end of the day, obviously in very different and their own ways”. See, I just scored some points here, so here is my advice to all of you as a consultant, “Make sure you say everything that you want to, and then end it up with a good note and you’ll always succeed”.